My recovery isn’t something that I spend a lot of time talking about. Though it is a fundamental part of me, I also spent years dealing with the shame of my addiction. I will start with a little history on my addiction and then will tell you how I celebrate my anniversaries.
I was a happy 15 year old, maybe a little hyper competitive. This is the life of someone who competes, though. I was showing horses, and was good. I trained daily, and we traveled to different horse shows on the weekend. Then one weekend, we were in Columbia, MO, when my horse tripped and I came off hard. I landed on both knees, which led to a lot of pain. Following months of constant pain, the doctor decided to scrape the torn cartilage from both knees at the same time. This was very painful and while it helped, I will still in a lot of pain. They did some limited physical therapy and then sent me on my way. Without proper stretches, my knees were weak and I continued in pain, until I wasn’t able to ride competitively. So now, I was a teenager with a lot of free time. Something that I had never experience, insert the wrong crowd + pain, and that is how I ended up trying and using drugs.
Well now on to the good parts, January 22, 2007. I decided that I had hurt to many people, for something that I said didn’t hurt anybody. I tried to end it, but thank God himself, that my Mom is a fighter. She got me the help I needed. For years it was a daily fight, something that I wasn’t sure that I could do. I carried my marble with me everywhere. The marble signifies your sobriety, and when you feel like using, you roll it between your hands. If it melts, then you can use. So it has always been a huge symbolization for me.
Flash forward again, we are at January 22, 2018. That is 11 years of being clean, proving that #recoveryispossible. I carry my marble, once a year on this date. I also get a cupcake because sometimes this feels more like a birthday than my actual. I am happy, a wife, a mother, a runner, a yogi and an addict. These are all the parts that make up who I am. So for other struggling, get help. Reach out. Below are some helpful numbers if you are looking for help.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline- 1-800-662-HELP (4357)